Archeology, An Exercise
1. As a kid, I missed the chance to :
* sleep over at friend's houses when I was younger. I made up for it when I was in late high school, and very much so in college.
* go to friends' houses after school. They always had to come over to ours, which was okay, but got old after awhile. That finally changed when I was in about 6th or 7th grade.
2. As a kid, I lacked:
* good self-confidence, boldness
* popular clothing. I wanted so badly to wear what the other kids wore, and to wear pants when I was in grade school. I could only wear them when I was sick (to cover my legs), and finally when I was somewhere between 6th and 7th grades. (Hmm, about the same time I got more freedom to visit friends at their houses...)
3. As a kid, I could have used:
* an older brother, providing he was nice, understanding, and didn't beat me up. Or hit me in the arm like What's-His-Name did in the 4th grade. Ah, yes--Jeff. B.
* less of the silent treatment from my grandfather. I hated that. I really don't think it did any good.
4. As a kid, I dreamed of being:
* a nurse
* an astronaut
* popular, "in"
5. As a kid, I wanted a:
* house with four floors
* mother who didn't get so mad.
6. In my house, we never had enough
* privacy (sort of). By that I mean even the garbages were gone though, just in case something important might have fallen in.
* ? I really had plenty.
7. As a kid, I needed more:
* responsibility, to help me to be a stronger adult. I still struggle with being on task, getting important things done.
* freedom to make (early) decisions/mistakes
8. I am sorry that I will never again see:
* my grandmother
* my grandfather
9. For years, I have missed and wondered about:
* my photo album of punk pictures
10. I beat myself up over the loss of:
* my grandmother. I didn't "get it" when everyone told me she didn't have long. I just didn't believe it somehow, and on the day of the week I was to visit, I changed my mind, as I had a little cold; I said I'd go the next day. I think DA suggested I just come anyway, so I made the trip. Still, I missed her by two hours. I think she died while I was on the ferry, or just leaving my house. The week before I sat with her in the nursing home lunch room, as per usual, with my knitting, and some apples from our tree. I think she said all of six words, and mostly just smiled and looked tired. When I was leaving I said, "I'll see you next week." She just smiled at me. Looking back, I think "she knew. And I just didn't get it."