Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Garrison Keillor and James Taylor at the Prairie Home Companion show. This was the sixth encore brought to us by Alicia's yelling! Garrison was actually singing "How do we get these folks to go home?" to Auld Lang Syne. James Taylor responded "They don't stay this late for me!"
Uploaded by AtlantaTwin on 1 Jul 07, 6.27PM PDT.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
So, where was I? Chapter Five, finally. I’ve not done Ch’s 3 and 4 justice, but that’s just going to have to be the way it is right now. I’m doing what I can, trying to fit this program into my currently altered life. DS is handling the diabetes fairly well for a 13 yr. old, but it is hard for him. So, I skimmed over these past two weeks, and pretty much the same for this week, too. Not even an Artist Date this week! I still have a chance tomorrow, though.
Chapter Five is full of hard words about self-murder, wanting to be left alone, blind to the poisonous grip of self-destructiveness. So now I’m going to discover the ways I’m destructive to my self. I already know it, but delving deep into the how and why will be interesting, to say the least.
The Virtue-Trap Quiz
- The biggest lack in my life is…Time.
- The greatest joy in my life is… being successful at something creative, like writing; receiving acknowledgment for my work.
- My largest time commitment is… kid stuff: homework, handling DS’s diabetes, drum lessons. Then there’s work, which I haven’t been devoting as much time to lately, although I do need to get busy with that. Housework needs doing desperately, but I’m spending lots of computer time, and that’s taking away from keeping up with the house. (Obviously it’s not that important to me, or so it might seem.)
- As I play more, I work… about the same, I think. I was going to say “less,” but I’m not so sure about that. I would make sense that I’d work less, but when I’m not “playing” I’m procrastinating.
- I feel guilty that I am… taking too much time doing computer stuff, like Facebook, blogging, looking up how Adsense works, etc. If I wasn’t dong those things, there would be other things I’d find to do. At this point I’m not playing Mahjongg and Freecell, which used to consume a lot of my “free” time. I guess some of these other things are a little more productive… but I’m gauging productivity by what might add to our income, or help out globally, rather than whether I got to play or not. I feel guilty that I’m not writing nearly as much as I was, and than I’ve let the submission process go far too long (in my opinion).
- I worry that… my desire to be more creative will create stress between me and DH because I would be spending more time writing and submitting, and doing activities related to this (readings, workshops, etc.). I worry that this diabetes stuff will be too consuming, and I worry that DS will continue to have trouble remembering to bring his homework home, and to get it all done. I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job around the house. I worry about the economy and that our accounts are going to continue to go down and down. I worry that DH won’t get enough work. I worry about our health, even though, for the most part, we are okay. I worry that I’ll lose my writing abilities, that I’ll keep dropping out of the submission game, that I’ll lose ground. I worry that I’m not that great of a writer, and that I’ll continue to not get my work published in the “better” journals.
- If my dreams come true, my family will… ?? I don’t know. If I get my book mss. accepted for publication, my family would be pleased. If my family were to become totally accepting of my true nature, that would be a dream come true. It depends on how that question is viewed as to how I answer it.
- I sabotage myself so people will… not be angry with me. Or if they are already displeased, they won’t be likely to be as hard on me. I know this one well, can see it happening in DS’s behavior, too. I sabotage myself so that people will not be frustrated. Better me than them, or so I tell DH sometimes. Then I get mad at myself for being that way.
- If I let myself feel it, I’m angry that I… give up things I want to do as frequently as I do. Also, see part two of question 8 above. I’m angry that I let myself spend so much useless time when I could take some of my alone time to write and revise.
- One reason I get sad sometimes is… because DS has more issues than I think a kid should have. …because DD needs more exercise and I have trouble fitting in the time at the gym after school. … because DH is frustrated with his work, or lack of it. …because I miss being more highly creative. …among other things.
Forbidden Joys, An Exercise
List ten things you love and would love to do but are not allowed to do.
Hmmm… does that mean that I don’t allow myself, or that my family doesn’t allow me… or both?
- Spend two weeks on retreat.
- Go out with friends weekly.
- Go visit out-of state friends on my own.
- Take a whole day to devote to writing.
- Take a personal vacation every year, maybe even twice.
- Take yoga classes.
- Become certified to teach yoga.
- Go on retreat to Ireland.
- Get rested, and stay rested.
- Keep fit.
Wish List, An Exercise
- I wish I was good at yoga.
- I wish I was stronger.
- I wish I could buy an Apple laptop.
- I wish I could get an SLR camera.
- I wish I could get my poems into Shenandoah, Crazyhorse, Ploughshares, etc.
- I wish I could sleep really well.
- I wish I didn’t worry about what other people thought about my taking time to write.
- I wish I could go to Europe again.
- I wish I was more self-confident.
- I wish DH was totally accepting of my need to be creative.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Truthfully, I have not even finished reading chapter three. I don’t remember what was said about Synchronicity, or anything that might come after that. So I’m going to try to catch up this week. Oh so hard! Crap—Week Four is the week I’m not even supposed to be reading, which, I’m sorry to say, isn’t going to be possible. I will be looking up things to do with diabetes—no way around it. So how do I make this work?
Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe I should cut my losses and do this some other time, seeing as life is a little different right now. Maybe it’s best to just focus on DS’s diabetes, and call it good.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
This is a poem submitted to Diabetes Health by Lori Pujol on behalf of her daughter Shannon, who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes on January 7, 2006. She wrote this poem for her 7th grade English class this past January.
I am athletic and a diabetic.
I wonder if I will ever quit basketball.
I hear the ball bouncing on the court.
I see me in the hall of fame of all the sports I play.
I want to score 1,000 points in my high school career.
I am athletic and a diabetic.
I pretend no one knows I’m a diabetic.
I feel my body shaking when I am low.
I touch my fingers when I have to test my blood.
I worry that everyone will think I am different.
I cry when I lose my diabetes supplies.
I am athletic and a diabetic.
I understand that people think I ate too much sugar.
I say, I didn’t–diabetes happens to one out of every three people.
I dream that they will find a cure.
I try to raise money for the diabetes foundation.
I hope everyone else will too.
I am athletic and a diabetic.
Time for bed. After sleeping on a fold-out chair for three nights my own bed will be welcome.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I've missed a day. It was a full day, a hard day. DS is settling into a routine of counting carbs, testing his blood sugar, calculating how much insulin he will need to cover his meal, and receiving at least five shots a day. There have been educators coming in to talk with us, a dietician, a psychologist, case worker, several nurses and at least three doctors, and that's missing a few others. Yesterday DS was so tired by the end of it he was relieved to have some time, just the two of us, to watch Iron Man. Maybe that was my Artist Date for the week. I enjoyed the movie--we enjoyed it together, escaping the realities of what lie ahead for us when we leave here.
Today he gave himself two shots for the first time. We're very proud of him for this, and hope he'll continue to do so well when he is at school, and having to both check blood sugar counts and administer his shot before eating lunch. We'll see how it goes... maybe I'll try to be there that first day...
I've not been much good at writing in my journal. I want to be, but am feeling much burned out by all of this sudden change to all of our lives. DD is spooked, and DH is sad, but doing better. We even talked for 30 minutes on the phone this evening, which we never do. It's amazing how we can find the good in a hard situation. And a writer friend, who is also Type 1 diabetic, said that in a way she is healthier now than she was before all of this happened to her. She has been on insulin for nearly 29 years, and is active and creative, bright, and encouraging.
So, I haven't gotten much past the Anger chapter in the book. My timeline is completely off. I might read some tonight, and I might not. Today I felt great sadness, strong anxiety, hope, fatigue, and some strength. It's amazing what one can experience, all in the space of just one day. So, maybe I'll read one more chapter, and see what that brings me.
I'm trying to believe myself when I tell myself it's okay to say I don't want visitors. The nurses support that by telling us that our family comes first--we need to take care of ourselves rather than having to manage others. And this morning I couldn't imagine at all having visitors other than those who were scheduled to teach us. So they might not understand that need to pull inward, so they might feel cheated, but I don't feel much like sharing my confusion and grief in a visual way. There is time for that, when I've gotten more used to this new fact of our life.
DS is doing well enough right now. I expect this will all drag him down for a time before he resurfaces and has the strength to move on on his own. And maybe he will surprise us with small accomplishments, which, if you think about it, are really big ones, seeing as he's never had to do this before, and will be doing this "diabetes stuff" for years to come. Maybe there will be a cure in 10 years, maybe not. We can always hope, and continue to do what we do, and hope that we bind ourselves together stronger and stronger all the time.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
My Occupation(s): My main trade is Violin Making. I build them from scratch, and they have dragon heads for scrolls. I have made 3 instruments so far, 2 violins and a viola. I am currently working on my fourth instrument, a violin. I also repair violins and violas, and can do some pretty complex repairs..."