Chapter Three, Detective Work, an Exercise
1. My favorite childhood toy was a white fir cat, for one, and many other stuffed animals. I used to pack them up in the Italian prune tree in the back yard for adventures.
2. My favorite childhood game was ... hard to pin point. I loved playing Yahtzee and Kismet with my dad, "what contains the Universe?" with my self and friends, (best played at night while sitting on a bed in a dizzying state of wonderment), Monopoly. There was another game played on a board with marbles, but the name isn't coming to me. Frustration might be the name...
3. The best movie I even saw as a kid was first Lady and the Tramp, and later Star Wars. Anything that involved talking animal that were (to me) cute, and anything that called into play fantasy. Star Wars captured my desire in a strong way, and I imagined going into space. Not to mention the fact that I had a "thing" for Mark Hamill, and later Harrison Ford.
4. I don't do it much but I enjoy retreats. I've done maybe three retreats, and I like being away, either with a group of women, or just one, for some time to work as long as I want to on my writing. This I love.
5. If I could lighten up a little, I'd let myself go out more. I'd let myself be lighter at home, more fun with everyone instead of "bogged down" in mood.
6. If it weren't too late, I'd travel by myself. I'd love to have the challenge of going overseas on my own, choosing my own direction, choosing how long I would stay in one place. It would be open-ended, and I would run into the unexpected, especially that which I'd learn from my self.
7. My favorite mental instrument is...
* Okay, I love this mistake I just made. I looked at the book in my lap so quickly, I translated "musical" as "mental." I left it that way so that I could come back later and do something with it. Well, I'll give a shot right now:
... Sudoku, the Imagination, Music...
Let's try this again.
7. My favorite musical instrument is even more difficult to say than the toy or the game. I played the piano, but didn't do that well with it. I still love to listen to it. I like all instruments together. Classical/Spanish guitar is wonderful as are the drums -- all sorts. The harp, flute, and anything played together that recreates a minor key as in Yiddish music, Middle Eastern, etc. I love Celtic music very much, and medieval music, as well as music played on the didjeridu. Hmmm... can't find a favorite right now. I love Rock, Hip Hop, and some Techno, too.
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is not a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. I spend more on "things" than entertainment, although some of those "things" become my entertainment, or rather, shopping for them is entertaining, some of the time.
9. If I weren't so stingy with my artist, I'd buy her time. That's what I ultimately don't give myself enough of. I spend the time I have on surfing the internet to check up on my blogs, or play on Facebook, or whatever, and don't take the time to write. This is especially bothersome when I think I've got a good space of time alone to write, and I don't do it!
10. Taking time out for myself is good for the soul. Something I need to do better.
11. I am afraid that if I start dreaming I'll appear irresponsible. The time spent doing what I want to do often ultimately makes me feel guilty. Maybe DH will think I don't do enough around the house, or whatever.
12. I secretly enjoy reading when I can. Or, I secretly enjoy reading fantasy. Although this is not so secret. I just don't read a whole lot. I love the comics because they're short and doable in a sitting. It *does* take me some time to get through the Sunday editions because I take time to read and reread, taking in the illustrations, etc. I love Harry Potter, Inkheart, Inkspell, LOTR, and other such books.
13. If I had had a perfect childhood I'd have grown up to be free of guilt, happy with my talents, enough that I might push them further. I did have a lot of support with regards to the arts, but also coaching on being sensible, which I am not, very. I'd try new things without feeling like I should be doing something else that makes someone else happy.
14. If if didn't sound so crazy, I'd write a fantasy book. I'd write a book targeting the middle teen to adult audience. I'd start a journal and take submissions.
15. My parents think artists are fine, as long as one has something that brings in money.
16. My God thinks artists are important.
17. What makes me feel weird about this recovery is that I can't see getting past my guilt. I can't see feeling strong enough to make peace with thinking I'm spending not enough time around the home, getting what needs doing, done.
18. Learning to trust myself is probably going to be hard. I'm not sure yet what I'm trusting.
19. My most cheer-me-up music is Celtic, and some Rock, as long as it is positive in nature.
20. My favorite way to dress is creatively. It might be dressy, or chic. Or just some black workout clothes with DH's old worn-out jean jacket with the frayed sleeves. And some sunglasses.
* * *
Okay, now I'm on to Growth. And still the Tasks at the end of the chapter. I'll check in later.