Tiny White Flowers

Tiny White Flowers

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Artist's Way Journal - Week Six, Day Four

I'm thinking that writing in the morning isn't all that great.  Because my mood isn't that great.  Up at 2 am, after not getting to bed properly until after 11 pm.  Because I read Chapter six up till the exercises in the back.  Haven't done those yet, but did the exercise on my feelings about money.  At this point in time?  

Why is it that these chapters seem to follow some pattern in my life?  Certainly Chapter Three fell in line with our diabetes experience--kind of in the way that I began to explore childhood.  And anger.  This week in money.  Is this the synchronicity?  

-----this is where I take a small break----------

I write at night, after everyone (mostly) in up in bed.  Because I can't write well with others around.  But I can write when others are asleep.  Problem is, then sometimes I get sleepy, too. 

DS's blood sugar was 73 last night--three over the minimum.  So I had to think about that.  What to do?  I ended up going downstairs to the kitchen, looking in my stupor for juice, and thinking there was none.  To my amazement there was cranberry in the fridge, and so I began to measure out a 1/4 cup.  That didn't seem right, so I tried hard to get my uncooperative brain to kick in and tell me what 4 oz. looked like.  I finally created a crack in the wall and got in far enough to remember that 4 oz. translates into 1/2 a one cup measure.  Then I had to stew about whether or not to give him the full 4 oz., seeing as the blood sugar count was only three points above the 70 mark.  Sigh.  I drank one oz., and gave him the other 3.  I determined that was going to be good, and went back to bed.  I was still awake at 2:30, but elected not to go back in to recheck the sugar level.  I figured this would be enough, based on past experience.  This morning he was 113, and grumpy.  

Me too.  I was thinking to myself, "why couldn't this have been DH's night to check?  I have to be at the gym for 7 hrs, and on top of things.  Crap!  And now because I'm thinking about this in the middle of the night I too awake, even though I'm tired.  This sucks!"  etc.  I'm not as grumpy with DH now that I know that he didn't even hear the alarm, he was sleeping so soundly.  In a way that makes it easier to deal with.  Not sure why.  

Oh yes, I almost forgot.  DD's alarm went off at 6:10 am, which is what she sets it to for school.  Only there is no school for her today, or tomorrow.  And she's sleeping over at a friend's house as I write.  Which means that the radio station she listens to to wake up, chosen for it's slight bent toward obnoxiousness so that she isn't as inclined to go back to sleep, was blaring for a minute or two before it registered with me.  I got up, had to turn on her light to see what I was contending with, and proceeded to try and figure out how to silence the thing.  I found the "radio off" button, hit that, and hoped I wasn't messing things up for her later on.  (And I should worry about that?!?  The damn thing was waking us all up, too early!)  

Five minutes later, it was blasting again, and again I got up to fix it.  I turned it down, and then off.  First I had to stand there holding it (the clock radio) for a minute with it bleating it's loud morning jokes in my face before I decided what to do.  I am *so* not a morning person, and it really take quite a lot to set my brain to it's proper function.

When my own alarm went off at 6:40, DH got up and started breakfast (bless him).  I stayed in bed an extra 8 minutes, and then trudged down and stood in the kitchen, which is my norm.  I must be such a charm in the mornings.  Not.  I fuzzily began the lunch bag for DS, cutting the sourdough bread DH finished making last night, weighing it (4 0z. exactly), carefully scooping chunky (the wrong kind) peanut butter into a tablespoon measure (7 carbs), and measuring the last little bit of 8-carb strawberry preserves from the jar.  This makes a 52 carb sandwich.  

Next, while the pancakes were on the griddle, DH cut up an apple (again, another exact 4 oz. (not planned!), and I added another 13 carbs to the count.  DH went outside to retrieve the newspaper from the middle of the driveway so that the carpool person wouldn't run it over, and I flipped the current pancake, adding 32 more carbs to the count--97 altogether--for the 3.75 oz. slice of homemade pumpkin bread DA brought us yesterday when she came for dinner.

DS, as one would expect, was hard to rouse this morning, getting up about 14 minutes before his ride arrived.  This means checking the blood sugar (wash hands first!), determining the carb count for the two 1/2 c. pancakes (with the whole wheat, 46 carbs) + homemade blackberry syrup (26 carbs for two tablespoons) = 7 units of insulin.  DS complained that he couldn't get the needle to poke his arm, and tried the other one instead.  I walked away, finding this to be helpful.  DN arrived to pick him up, and he still had one pancake on his plate.  I sent DH outside to stall DN while DS ate the remaining cake, as it was already covered by the insulin and he needed to eat it.  

Seven thirty five, and he was out the door.  I was still grumpy and tired, and ate my two pancakes at the table while DH sat in the living room and read the paper.  I put a few things into the dishwasher, and headed to the computer/laundry/work room to sort things out and put things into perspective.  It was here, in front of the computer that I learned DH never woke up at 2 am, and slept quite soundly.  And it was here I softened within, and am at peace with the fact that I was the one who had to get up (it *was* my night anyway), in spite of my busy day.

If I'm not too crazed, and DS's Halloween costume dilemma has been solved, I will check in again before bed, which is my norm.  But I wouldn't hold my breath.  Who knows, though--I'm beginning to like my Nighttime Pages...


DS has decided to be Joe Biden.  We found a mask to copy from


His friend is going as Obama.  Problem solved!  Still not sure what DD is going to do, however... but she doesn't have school tomorrow, so there's time to work on that.

I made it through my crazy day, and got my Silver Sneakers Resistance Tools Choreography Design credits.  Got DD and friend to church, got the Rocky Horror ticket, taught my two classes...

Now, on to the Chapter Five questions!


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