Hello.
I've missed a day. It was a full day, a hard day. DS is settling into a routine of counting carbs, testing his blood sugar, calculating how much insulin he will need to cover his meal, and receiving at least five shots a day. There have been educators coming in to talk with us, a dietician, a psychologist, case worker, several nurses and at least three doctors, and that's missing a few others. Yesterday DS was so tired by the end of it he was relieved to have some time, just the two of us, to watch Iron Man. Maybe that was my Artist Date for the week. I enjoyed the movie--we enjoyed it together, escaping the realities of what lie ahead for us when we leave here.
Today he gave himself two shots for the first time. We're very proud of him for this, and hope he'll continue to do so well when he is at school, and having to both check blood sugar counts and administer his shot before eating lunch. We'll see how it goes... maybe I'll try to be there that first day...
I've not been much good at writing in my journal. I want to be, but am feeling much burned out by all of this sudden change to all of our lives. DD is spooked, and DH is sad, but doing better. We even talked for 30 minutes on the phone this evening, which we never do. It's amazing how we can find the good in a hard situation. And a writer friend, who is also Type 1 diabetic, said that in a way she is healthier now than she was before all of this happened to her. She has been on insulin for nearly 29 years, and is active and creative, bright, and encouraging.
So, I haven't gotten much past the Anger chapter in the book. My timeline is completely off. I might read some tonight, and I might not. Today I felt great sadness, strong anxiety, hope, fatigue, and some strength. It's amazing what one can experience, all in the space of just one day. So, maybe I'll read one more chapter, and see what that brings me.
I'm trying to believe myself when I tell myself it's okay to say I don't want visitors. The nurses support that by telling us that our family comes first--we need to take care of ourselves rather than having to manage others. And this morning I couldn't imagine at all having visitors other than those who were scheduled to teach us. So they might not understand that need to pull inward, so they might feel cheated, but I don't feel much like sharing my confusion and grief in a visual way. There is time for that, when I've gotten more used to this new fact of our life.
DS is doing well enough right now. I expect this will all drag him down for a time before he resurfaces and has the strength to move on on his own. And maybe he will surprise us with small accomplishments, which, if you think about it, are really big ones, seeing as he's never had to do this before, and will be doing this "diabetes stuff" for years to come. Maybe there will be a cure in 10 years, maybe not. We can always hope, and continue to do what we do, and hope that we bind ourselves together stronger and stronger all the time.
That's all for now.
--R
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