For three days I've been stumbling around this room in the dark, the light of the screen the only illumination since the remaining bare bulb in the ceiling went out with a pop. Spare bulbs are in the back room, only a few feet away. Perhaps it's the thought of getting up on a wobbly chair that keeps me from changing the burned out bulbs, perhaps a thick dose of "I'll get to it later; I don't feel like doing it right now." The matter is grey, so to speak--not black and white.
Outside, it's cold, about 37, and the frost is just disappearing. I don't have the radio on right now, but I know there is electricity in the air. Tomorrow's the big day. And I can't wait. This is a momentous occasion. This weekend we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and the swearing in of our first African American president. How could we not be full of anticipation and hope? We are moving forward, and we're ready to make some sorely needed changes to the way we've been doing things on the world stage. Things are heating up out there, and we need to find positive ways to "temper the climate." Obama is going to have his work cut out for him, and while I don't expect miracles (but remain open to them), I do feel strongly that he will help to set the country in the right direction.
At the same time, I'm worried beyond belief. I've been worried since last February, well before I admitted for the first time to a long-time friend, that an attempt could be made toward assassination. (I'm even having trouble typing the word.) This is the first time I've actually put my fear into print. And I know I'm not the only one. There seems to be a collective holding of breath out there, a fear that some one or more people might strive to stop the positive flow of that forward-moving energy, as it took place with King, and others like him. I find myself breathing "please God, don't let it happen, keep Obama and his family safe for years to come." The same supplication I make for my own family and friends. "Please, keep them safe and strong. Keep them healthy and give them your positive guidance and energy."
After a reading I did last Thursday at a wonderful place called Soul Food Books, I was drawn to the beautiful stones they had. The ones I walked away with were Fluorite, and a little chunk of meteorite. The woman who sold them to me said that Fluorite helps bring trust in the Universe. The stone, smoothed into a sphere, felt good in my hand, and I swear I could feel some energy buzzing as I held it. Maybe that sounds weird, but I'm willing to go with that feeling. We could do with a little smooth stone in our pocket to grasp, to help keep us grounded when things are weird out there.
What does this have to do with the current here and now? Grounding, focus, meditation, healing thoughts, a plea and a trust in the direction of the future. That ultimately things will be as they are intended to be. Admittedly, that's hard to do. It takes practice. It takes a little "going inward" and also a good bit of "going outward," or positive communication with others. And if it takes a little rock in the pocket to remind me of that, so be it.
Perhaps my prayer should be one of "Thank you" for the way things are, in this moment. "Thank you" for this change, for the collective power of the desire to make things better in the world. "Thank you" for the chance to make a difference, because every little step adds up to a giant leap. And, in my opinion, is just what's happening right now. Right here.
The light bulbs? Yes, I'm taking care of it now. Let the light shine. Outside, it's a sunny day.
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